Crackers

Dear White People,

I am not talking about you. I am talking about the snack food. I was reading my friend Petes Blog on chips,(the blog in general is entertaining) and I kept thinking how much I dislike chips. I hate chips so much that I had to write about it.  Well OK I don't hate chips, actually I enjoy a good salt and vinegar, every now and then, but... chips don't stand a chance compared to crackers. But nobody likes the guy that brings crackers to the party. And thats where my rage begins. Chips are put on a pedestal compared to crackers, with their shiny bags, their low low prices, and their huge selections in the convenience stores. And because chips are so popular, I feel a little girly while eating crackers. But no more! Im taking a stand. God-Dammit! Maybe its because Im on this whole healthy living kick, and everyone knows crackers are chips healthier more fit cousin. But I don't think so. No. I just like crackers, and I can eat a whole box of crackers and not feel guilty. Thats a wonderful thing, you never feel that way after eating a bag of chips.

So top 5, partially in response to Petes chips, (no order)

1. Animal crackers. Who doesn't love animal crackers? You have to be an uptight bitch, who hasn't had sex in over a hundred year, and hasn't taken a dump in 200 years because their is a stick up your ass, in order to hate animal crackers, thats the only way. The question begs to be answered, why are they so delightful? Well.... Their tasty. Im pretty sure their healthy because their made out of cracker material. Their fun because you can put the animals into provocative positions. And they are the only animals Vegetarian, and even Vegans can eat. Finally, their classic, and classic things are good. 

2. Wheat Thins. Wow this is a great cracker. Also good to bust out at the party where there is salsa and guacamole. Try it. I actually like to make my own dip which mixes a thing of fresh salsa and two avocados, mashed up together. Then dip your wheat thins in, and let the explosions of flavors begin. 

3. Cheez-It.  I somehow associate this cracker with only good times. The perfect party snack. I would also imagine this food would go good with recreational drug use. But I wouldn't know. Also Cheez-It white cheddar is amazing, and would probably go on my top five but I think these two can be combined. 

4. The standard cracker and cheese platter. I understand that every cracker should be judged equally but when there is a platter of cheese and crackers, this becomes a cracker category. I love crackers and cheese. The only thing I don't love about cheese and crackers are the plates or lack their of. When a cheese and cracker platter comes out it will usually be accompanied by small plates, or napkins. Small plates are terrible because you can only fit about five crackers on a plate at a time. I am not a five cracker kind of guy. But I would worship a small plate when the only option is a napkin. Because then your walking around looking like an idiot trying to grasp your crackers and cheese in the napkin, and the cracker is crumbling, and your getting cracker parts all over your nice clothes (because these platters only exist at nice clothes events). But when I do have a small plate, I then feel like a fat-ass, because Im the one going back to the table for more cheese and crackers three and four times. And I shouldn't feel like a fat-ass, but you always have the feeling that the guy replenishing the cracker platter, is judging you. Terrible!, either way it stays in the top 5. 

5. Bright orange crackers with the fake cheese inside. I haven't had this cracker since preschool but I remember it as wonderful. Its one of those things that you know your consuming utter crap but because its only 6 crackers in the plastic sleeve, you don't feel like you are over endulging. Also Ritz Bitz with either the cheese or the peanut butter would fall into this top five cracker category. But hey the idea of a cracker sandwich is a wonderful thing. 

Let me know some of your cracker choices, and maybe some cracker stories. (and remember blogs are great because it gives the reader a chance to comment back and get conversations started. so get to commenting."

 I wonder if Germans eat crackers?

Getting Nervous

Dear Procrastinators,

I have five days before I start my four month long journey to Berlin. And I realized today, "SHIT, I dont have a place to stay, I dont speak any German, and I have very little money." What in the hell was I thinking. Now... I have had the last three months off, and I have accomplished very little, past making CDs for my friend's. (two CDs for the same friend.)

Do you ever look back at the last couple months, or year, or couple years and ask yourself what the hell was I doing? I largely think its alright to take a few days off or maybe even a few months off, but somehow I feel Ill be asking myself in several years, still... what have you accomplished? Now, often times I feel this way after talking to business majors, who seem to segment their life in five year increments. Such as,  "what have you done in the last five years to accomplish your long term goals", and "where do you see yourself in five years". These are not questions I ask myself..... Instead I go through life stumbling about, and drowning in the muck of decisions that I keep putting off.  Somehow though I keep surfacing just long enough to take a deep breath, regain composure and submerge myself once again into things I was not ready to take on. My main question is, Are we meant to have life planned out like business people five and ten years down the road, or,  is that what we call distant dreams. I am going to hold on to the belief that most great things that happen didn't have a sound five year plan, and formed by the forces of nature coming together. Im going to hold on to this mostly because I have a hard time telling myself what's for dinner more or less what's expected in five years. 

But... there is a word of encouragement from Samuel Beckett. In his play Waiting for Godot, Vladimir, says, "Let us not waste our time in idle discourse! Let us do something, while we have the chance! It is not every day that we are needed. Not indeed that we personally are needed. Others would meet the case equally well, if not better. To all mankind they were addressed, those cries for help still ringing in our ears! But at this place, at this moment of time, all mankind is us, whether we like it or not. Let us make the most of it, before it is too late!....

So I guess the thing to do in accomplishing tasks in life is to be needed. Thus I have turned to women. I figure from here on out women can need me instead of me needing women. Why should I empower other when I can empower myself. 

Either way let me know if you have ever felt extremely unprepared while starting something, and then tell me what that thing was. 

Travel Preparations

Dear Haters,

I am becoming one of you. What ever happened to the Jack Kerouac style travel, where there is no real plans involved in travel past the final destination. Its extremely hard to live as a ""free" artist these days. It would be nice to say, that one day I just decided to go to Berlin and then the next day I happened to arrive, by whatever means possible. No instead going to Berlin takes hours of preparations; health insurance, phones, passports, visas, hostels, baggage accommodations, notifying my bank accounts, long term living arrangements that are furnished. Its a little ridiculous.  Not to mention the many emails I have sent out to get things squared away. But I am getting close, I will be flying out in a little over a week and cant wait to get there. Then finally my blog will have gone global. I know thats what all my readers have been waiting for. But the great thing about leaving from a place you have spent a long time in, is that every one wants to get together on a more regular basis, and hang out one last time before you leave. Which I love because I enjoy my friends, but it usually involves eating (which frankly I love more)(jk)(kinda). 

Case in point yesterday. Now that I have a blog that I write about food on a somewhat regular basis, friends want me to go to their favorite eating hotspots. Which is great because they quickly become my favorite eating hotspots. A friend wanted to get together with me before I left and ended up taking me out to Just Good Food Deli and Market, in downtown Kalamazoo located in the basement of the Rose Street Market. This place is one of Kalamazoo's lesser known fresh deli's. Now it doesn't match the old T E Murchs but, the food is still quite good an possibly the best deli Kalamazoo has to offer. The underlying word of this place is FRESH. Everything there tastes like it was just grown and picked the day before. I ended up getting a vegetarian sandwich with mozzarella cheese, tomato, fresh pesto, and pine-nuts, on two crispy slices of bread. It was delightful. It was served with some chips that were a little less that exciting but I can forgive that. My friend ordered a pasta salad and a fruit and veggie salad that was also excellent. The place is open and airy feeling for being in a basement, and wasn't to busy when I was in there. But then who again eats at 3:30. The sandwich is definitely not a top five contender but its worth wondering in if your looking for some lighter fresh food that will satisfy your healthy tooth. So friends,  check it, and if you know of any other real fresh delis I must try, let me know.

Random Comments

Dear blog followers,

I apologize, for not writing in a while, I have got busy, and I will try harder at writing frequently. But I have alot of small things to talk about today so here we go. 

First off, Water.

I am pretty pissed about this one. I enjoy water, and I sometimes prefer it over soda. But when I want water, Im no less thirsty than the guy that wants soda, but somehow the guy that wants soda gets a large cup than me. This is absolute BULLSHIT. So during the course of a meal, I am the one that keeps interrupting the conversation by getting up to refill my dixie cup of water. Or I stay parched. So sometimes when I go to restaurants that do this to me, I order 3 to 4 waters just to avoid the hassle. But then I feel like Im hurting the environment by throwing away so many cups just for myself.  Woah is me! So Im going to fight the water Nazis of the world. The next time this happens, Im going to grab the guy by his shirt collar and say, "Hey asshole, super-size this shit!" ... No in reality I am going to grab my dixie cup and slink away defeated and parched. But we'll see who's laughing when I die of dehydration. I can guarantee you it wont be me. 

Hot dog recap,

So this weekend I visited Grand Rapids. It was a delightful time of bike riding, hearing good music, eating shitty food, and spending my time with good people. During this trip I visited Grand Rapids hot dog hot spot, Yesterdog, located in East Grand Rapids. This place is something special. Besides the fact that I was given a small water their hot dogs seemed to be so shitty they were amazing. I tried two dogs, the Yesterdog and the Cheddardog. Both excellent! I enjoyed the cheddar dog a little more which consisted of dog, bun, chili and cheddar. This dog is one step away from being put in a cup with spoon and a straw, its like liquid going down the throat. The mash up of flavors make this dog a weinner. LOL! But really go here!, its an experience like no other, just bring an extra pair of underwear, because their chili will really go straight through you, it just DEPENDs when. I apologize for the korny jokes. 

Sandwiches,

A friend sent me a link of a blog in which sandwiches are scanned in to a computer. I think it has something to do with art.

Poems, 

I have been reading some poems lately, and enjoying it. Now I am rather new to poetry, so I feel a little strange reading it, but Ill share a Tennyson poem that I enjoyed, and felt had a relation to how I feel about making art. 

Flower In The Crannied Wall.

Flower in the crannied wall.

I Pluck you out of the crannies,

I hold you here, root and all, in my hand,

Little flower --but if I could understand

What you are, root and all, and all in all,

I should know what God and man is.

Music

I got introduced to a pretty funky band that I kind of dig alot. Coco Rosie, 

I dont know if its their best song, but its different and I dig it. 

Also I watched I'm on a Boat by Lonely Island, its a funny song and a funny video.

I enjoyed this video a lot. I hope you do too.

Once again, I apologize for not writing as often, but I am preparing for Berlin and I only have 12 days before my departure and I am trying to get in as much as possible before, my blog goes global. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Also DogFish Head 90 min IPA excellent brew. I would highly recommend it. 

Cool Art

Here is a very close friend of mine that makes some killer art. Check it out.

sexy dogs

Dear followers of encased meat,

I love a good hot dog. I love hot dogs so much that my first ear in college I dedicated a whole semester to making art related to the hot dog. I have a way of thinking that my ideas at the time are absolutely brilliant. In reflection, making hot dog art was a little less than brilliant. But I still believe it is a valid subject, because many people would say that art is about beauty, and well.... hot dogs are a beautiful thing.

While in Chicago this last weekend I indulged in eating Chicago style hot dogs. I traveled to my favorite hot dog place Fast Track on the corner of Lake and Desplaines. Their hot dogs are absolutely magnificent with the right amount of ingredients; a poppy seed bun,  Vienna Beef dog, kosher pickle, relish, mustard, sport peppers, tomato slices, and celery salt. I have been to many of the hot dog hot spots around Chicago and I believe that this is by far the best hot dog in the city and their fries aren't bad either. But one may ask what makes their hot dogs so much better than any other in the city and I really cant explain it past they use the best materials. In terms of the feel of the place I would say that it is relatively clean with a nice mix of culture. The man behind the counter always refers to his customers as "My Friend" in what I believe may be a Greek accent and when you sit down at one of their long benches there is a good possibility you may be squeezed between a crack addict, and yuppie mom who is feeding her child in a stroller.  The sense of strange community makes this place a winner and if your in or planning to visit Chicago, I would recommend stopping in for a hot dog. And if for some strange reason you didn't enjoy it, your only down $2.25.

I would say the Fast Tack is my favorite hot dog place, however there are some other pretty good hot dog stands out there that I have tried. 

Treat Street in Kalamazoo, Michigan would be my second favorite, located in the plaza on the corner of Oakland and White road. This place is especially good because of the buns. Their buns are made specially by Mckenzies bakery, and then toasted like a grilled cheese. The hot dog meat is nothing special but the bun is so good it throws this hot dog up to #2. Combine this hot dog with their signature Lime Soda and the sides of chips and 5 jelly beans, and you have yourself a tasty lunch or dinner.  The atmosphere is a nice 1950s soda fountain stand feel, with a mural surrounding the eating area.

#3 would have to be Hot Dougs in Chicago on the corner of California and Roscoe. This gourmet hot dog stand is a local hotspot. The hot dogs are a little pricey but you can get pretty much any type of meat you could ever wish for including rattlesnake, and wild boar. Their also seasoned just right with sauces that compliment the meat you are eating. Check out their website to get a feel for the kind of dogs they serve. Its a real treat in there and Doug the owner is always there to great you. 

#4 An old time favorite of mine would have to be the Rootbeer stand at multiple locations around Kalamazoo. Their hot dogs are nothing more than cheap meat and cheap buns, but somehow it just works. But this place is not complete with out going on a hot summer day, drinking their awesome good root-beer in tall glass mugs, and ogling the beautiful car hops as they serve you.  Somehow this place will remain a treat to me until I am old and fat from eating hot dogs my entire life. 

I also enjoy New York style dogs equipped with  sour kraut. But really I just enjoy hot dogs in general so much because every city has their own version of the hot dog. I almost feel that if I want to truly experience the culture of a city it lies within their version of the hot dog. I hear Los Angeles has a hot dog rapped in bacon, and Baltimore apparently deep fries their dogs. But my friends, I am going to Berlin soon and I imagine the Germans will reinvent for me the word "sausage". I'll be sure to let you know!!!

Please let me know if there are any hot dogs you believe are so good that you feel I must try, and then let me know what makes them soooo good.

Over indulging means not going for fourths and fifths, right?

Dear fellow exercise junkies,

I am still not one of you, but I am getting there, I think. At least thats what mother tells me.  I went for my second bike ride of the season today and during this bike ride I figured out just how out of shape I really was. I went for all little spin around gull lake, and back. Things were going well until about half way through the ride in which  I hit a hill that was to much and my morale and my energy were taken out of me. I must have looked quite pitiful riding around the lake in my Gerolsteiner spandex's looking all professional and what not, going about 5 to 10mph up those little hills. But on the plus side its only the beginning of the season, and I personally feel as if I got a good workout. So good that I came home and had a big heaping portion of leftover chinese food, oranges, and falafel's. Thats healthy right? Well maybe I will never get to the level of being completely healthy. Maybe its in my genetics to think like a fat man. I got this thought today when I read my brothers new blog (about fat people falling over). And today as I rode those small little hills I felt as if I was a fat man about to fall over and die. But I have hope, because I just read this pretty interesting book called Heft on Wheels, by Mike Magnuson. The book is about Mike that weighed 250 lbs on his 39th birthday and got back into biking. After a year of riding he had dropped down to 175 lbs, and was one of the better bikers out of his field. Its quite the inspirational read, and gives a guy like me, who isnt fat, but has the mind of a fat man,  a little hope that even I can whip my self into shape. Maybe not though. Either way anyone that is even thinking about getting into the health game, I would recommend the book. 

Besides exercise, I am always looking for new ways to enhance my sex appeal and make my self look a little older and more appealing. I am being tired of being stopped by the police and having them think I am only 16 and should be inside before 8:30. I figure if I can look a healthy 19 maybe 20 Ill be happy. So today while riding my bike,  I figured out what I need is a mustache. The thought occurred to me, "Ryan, if you build it, they will come." They meaning the hotties.  Either way, that is my new ploy. 

And Ill be in Chicago this weekend,  so my lent of going out to eat, will have to be put aside for a few days, and I'll have to indulge myself in the wonders of chicago style hot-dogs, falafel's, and bakery foods about once every hour. So much for dieting.

Facebook is my new television

Dear Facebookers, 

So ladies and gentleman a couple of years ago I gave up television for the most part. Every now and then Ill catch a show or just turn it on for some background noise, while I eat my habitual breakfast of tea toast and OJ. And I have to admit that I like to catch "The View" every now and then. I would say that this is a guilty pleasure, but really I have no guilt in watching Barbara Walters, Whoopi Goldberg, Joy, Sherri, and Elizabeth, talk politics and accost Ann Coulter. Thats good entertainment anyway you look at it.(I hate Ann Coulter with a passion.)  But really I would say on an average week I watch maybe 6 hrs of television. Personally, I am proud of this, because I have seen it come close to destroying the lives of people that are close to me. But, I am not shy of my own problems. 

Facebook. I like the internet. Its a source of wonderful information, great blogs, and cool videos. But Facebook will be the death of me. Often I find myself flipping through the pages of Facebook just looking at pictures of people I barely know or care about. Its not really like I am looking for anything, I find it just kills the time. This is all fine and dandy, but I don't really have the time to do such a thing, nor do I want to have the time to do such a thing. Since I believe in doing things in life in moderation, except for drinking, smoking, and sex with beautiful woman (mom I dont smoke)(my mother reads my blog), I find that I need to solve my Facebook problems somehow. Bring it to a moderate level.

 I have thought about deleting my Facebook page altogether, and let my real friends stay in contact with me. But this is harsh and a bad idea in most respects because lets face it, no one emails anymore, and although writing is great and I support it whole heartily, stamps are also somewhat expensive, and well you know, were in a recession. So Facebook stays. 

Next I started thinking to myself, that if I gave up Facebook similar to the way I gave up television, would I just turn to another mind numbing media outlet. Do we as creatures need something to zone out on and stop thinking for a bit. I believe so. As an artist I really should make my mind numbing activity be drawing. But the instant change of screens with computers and televisions seem much more interesting. I ask myself what did they do before television and Facebook. My mother tells me they played outside, but in Michigan going outside between the months of November to mid April is just out of the question, so I kind of believe my mother lied. She also told me that she used to walk uphill to school both ways barefoot in three feet worth of snow. So much for listening to your parents. 

My next thought on moderating my Facebook usage, was to get a social life, but I quickly realized that this idea was bullshit and cyclical. I rationalized that the larger my social life was the more friends I would gain on Facebook, hence the more pictures I would have posted of me and my friends. Hence the more time spent looking at meaningless things. Or I would start going to parties and meet people once and they would friend me, then, on my off night from partying I would find myself looking at more pictures of more people, I don't care about. Facebook your a MONSTER!!! But your the monster I have looked at several times since I started writing this post.

I guess I am going to have to go to my strategy of just focusing extra hard on giving it up. But I doubt this will happen. Maybe I can rationalize that Facebook is like eating, its just something that needs to happen. And besides its how I let people know about new blog postings and such. Either way its a struggle I will probably deal with for a while.

Do you or a loved one have a problem with an addiction to Facebook or other media source, If so please comment and tell me your struggles, or tell me how you have overcome your issues. 

Pretty girls who struggle with Facebook, I would suggest just hanging out with me. I rarely have a camera and rarely do interesting things in real life, so I can promise you, you'll have nothing to talk about on Facebook about. This will result in a lower social life, and less friends on Facebook. So, I have at least found a cure for cuties.

More cool music

Dear fellow music lovers,

I found another real sweet band that I think is worth checking out. Their names are Mariam Doumbia and Amadou Bagayoko, and they are a blind couple from Mali. Check out this video.

If you enjoyed this song you should also check out their website. Let me know if you like.