Christmas Music

I have posted a song that will aid in reading my posting.

Dear Carolers,

Stop singing on my front porch, in my house, on my radio, and in my car. I hate Christmas music. I don't mildly dislike it, but rather despise it with a passion. It's not that I hate Christmas or even Christmas cheer but I cringe when I hear those twenty five songs that are played over a million times each year. I come home to my mother who believes our family must have Christmas music in order to feel Christmas cheer. I don't know what Christmas cheer means but if it involves Christmas music I want no part of it.

If you're one of the strange beings that actually like Christmas music, you're probably asking yourself, "why such strong words for such a harmless thing." This is why.

I would be fine with Christmas music if I had a choice. Or; if I listened to Christmas music only once or twice during the holiday season. But I don't, I can't escape the thing. My mother believes that when I come home rest is not what I need, rather non-stopped Christmas music. Every day from about the 25th of November to the 24th of December I listen to Christmas songs.

When I’m back home, it starts at about 8:30 in the morning. It's not good enough that the music is just played to her self; she feels the need to spread the cheer. Absolutely anywhere you stand within the house or really anywhere on the property the cheer will be spread. Since I'm home for the holidays she feels the need to spend every waking moment with me. Which is fine. But... we go to the store or to the mall or out for lunch, and the car has to have Christmas music. Once again it's not quiet, rather so loud the cheer is spread to the entire state of Michigan. But... it doesn't stop there. She not only listens to the music but she also feels the need to sing along. Now, I love my mother, but she can't sing. Well she can, but she can't sing well. Thus inevitably we will be stuck in holiday traffic listening to those ear-piercing songs while my mother half sings half hums due to the fact she has forgotten the lyrics. Just when I think things can’t possibly get worse, they do. We finally leave the car to accomplish our shopping and immediately step into a store which also thinks Christmas music is a good option. Not only do I have to deal with it at home and in the car but also everywhere I go in public. Christmas music in small town America seems almost unavoidable.

To be honest, I technically would be fine with that, except for the fact that Christmas music is limited to a total of twenty-five songs. That’s right twenty-five. I know it seems like a lot but twelve to fourteen hours a day listening to only twenty five three minute songs can get old fast. I know your saying, "it has to be more than twenty five." And it is, but the rest are renditions of those twenty-five. Every year some musician thinks to himself or herself it might be a good idea to put out a Christmas album. So they do. But they don't actually want to spend the time writing Christmas songs, so they stick to the twenty-five predetermined song lyrics. If it not Celine Deon or Clay Aiken or even the Backstreet Boys, its Kenny G, the Rat Pack, or the East Harlem Boys Choir. They all put out Christmas albums, not because they feel like they can offer something new. Christmas albums mean cash because, people like my mother buy their rendition as a way to “spice up the holiday season”. So, every year I’m stuck listening to another mediocre musician put they're heart and soul into the Twelve Days of Christmas or Silent Night. It however doesn't stop there. Not only do crappy pop musicians come out with Christmas songs they also find people who will do renditions in different accents. Yes, this is the worst. Just tonight I listened to a Caribbean calypso choir sing White Christmas, as if they actually have seen snow.

I know I sound bitter. But I like my headspace. Frankly Christmas music doesn't give me that. I have been subjected to this torture for twenty-one years and now know all twenty-five songs by heart. For a period of about two to three weeks not a thought can pass through my head due to all the Christmas music. All I can think of is how I am having a Holly Jolly Christmas, whether I want to or not.

Merry Christmas,
Scrooge


Readers please let me know what you’re up to this holiday season, and what if anything bugs you about the holidays and or holiday cheer.