Meaningful passion

Dear Lovebirds,

I am one of you. I am here today to stand on a mountain top and sing, to go to the depths of the ocean, traverse the entanglements of the jungle and the barren landscape of the desert, just to proclaim my love. Were not together yet, but, I can only imagine; I will come home after a long day of work and school and it will be sitting there like a ray of sunshine beckoning me to come close, to stroke it ever so gently, to smell its beautiful fragrance. OOOOh my love! Just the mere thought of you reveals the mysteries of the world. Woah is me, how I think about you every chance I get, your big green leafy leaves, and the fruit you bear. Your cute little red terra-cotta pot, the dark soil that nurtures your growth, and the water I should one day feed you on. For in reality folks my love goes not to a woman but rather a plant. Im thinking, maybe a cactus.

I know readers your thinking to yourself, this guy is a nut job, and maybe I am, but I like to think of myself as a romantic nut job, at least. The other day it occurred to me, that its time after three and half years of selfishness, to start caring for something else. And since the dating prospects are not forming a sensible queue, I figured a plant would be a good substitution. Something that can bask in my affection, reciprocate when i make it dinner, and bring me flowers instead of me bringing it flowers. Yes a plant is perfect for me. And all I want to do is make art, write books, create plays, sing songs, and act in feature films that glorify my plant. It is already the object of my love and desire but non the less...... a dilemma has occurred. Even though the love exist for this plant, Im not sure what kind to get.

At first I wanted to get a real leafy plant something small and intimate but with a lot of green. But then the thought occurred to me something with flowers might be nice. I've never owned a plant before, so maybe it should be low in maintenance. Something similar to the kind of women I like; smells nice, comes out when the sun is shining, low maintenance, soft to the touch, and doesn't leave after a season. And even though I dont really like thorny women, a cactus still sounds nice. Not knowing where to find cactus I recently tried the grocery store which seemed somewhat promising. Unfortunately Jewel Osco doesn't have the best plant selection, in reality they only have two types. But non the less I stood there for 20 minutes trying to decide if pet grass would look good on my window sill. I even asked the lady at the meat counter what she thought, and judging from her apathetic reaction I started to doubt the grass option. After leaving Jewel empty handed I went home to really think.

And so readers I need your help. Please give me suggestions on a plant the might be nice for my kitchen. It doesn't get a lot of natural sunlight, and sometimes I forget to water, but I think I can manage three times a week. I don't know if I want flowers, or if I just want something green, but definitely nothing bigger than a rabbit. Winter is near so a vegetable plant might not be the best option. But if you have solutions then please send them to me. Remember this is to be the sole object of my love, so it has to be good, choose well, but please choose because I am starting to get lonely.

I will leave you with a quote from my roommate in Berlin, "Oh, ryan, these plants are going die!." and indeed every last one of them died within a four week period.

Anne I dedicate this post to you.