Lent and Giving Up

Dear Fellow Suffers of Addiction and Habit,

Today is the first day of lent, which means in my book you still have a week or so to jump on the bandwagon and start forgetting your unhealthy habits. I dont personally believe in doing lent for religious purposes, I just think that is good form to be able to stay in control of yourself and to try giving up something up once and a while. It builds character. Some things that would not be wise to give up would be things such as breathing, or eating. This is what I would call unwise or just plain stupid. Trust me on this one I'm speaking from experience. I tried not breathing today, and that lasted all of about, 30 seconds. However I would say thats a lot better than how I did with not eating which lasted all of about, 15 seconds. What can I say, Im fat.

All bad jokes aside though I really did start my lent today.  I gave up going out to eat, which I did two years ago and it worked out great. This is also a huge money saver. Now this one is hard for me because it involves all food and drink places, as well as convenience stores. It also involves a little planning ahead for your day, like making lunch and having groceries in your house for dinner and breakfast. Either that or rich friends. But...  don't rely on your friends, or go out to eat with them and when the check comes, explain your dilemma of lent. You will come across as cheap, and an asshole. Also I am doing this with a friend so we can hold each other accountable, I would recommend such a thing. Now there are some exceptions to the rule, such as trying not die. The goal for this lent is saving money, and maybe eating a little healthier, if you happen to get in a bind such as birds have attacked that delicious sandwich you've made, and you wont see your own home for at least another 10 hours, I would say go buy some food. But don't rely on birds attacking, this is rare. But don't get lazy either, and say, "well birds might attack, so ill just not pack a sandwich and save the struggle." Lent is supposed to be a little bit of a struggle, it builds character. The other exception to this rule is travel. This is a big one for me because I am going to Berlin at the beginning of April. So for a few days while I travel and get settled in, I am going to have to rely on eating out. And come on I will be able to legally drink for the first time!!!, do you really think Im not going to stop by the bar at least once! But I am shooting for no more than three days of not committing to my lent. 

Other than not going out to eat, I am going to be giving up a few other things for lent. Several things ran through my mind. First I thought about giving up sex, but I feel as if I am doing pretty good with that so far, and you know I might want to keep my options open. So next I thought about giving up exercise. But my six pack should arrive any day now so I figure I will keep that up. I started thinking about not shaving for 40 days but no one wants to see a man with a glistening face of blonde peach fuzz. I felt that if I gave up shaving, then the natural progression would be for me to give up sex. And as I have said already Im going to keep my options open(Ladies)

.... (Creepy).  So I went to the internet for some suggestions. I found this great website that suggested helping the environment by giving stuff up. Out of those suggestions I think I can give most of them up, except for dryers. I love the feel of clothes right out of the dryer. But I feel as if I don't have a hard time saving the planet day in and day out. So I decided to give up swearing no more gds or fus or mfs or cts for forty days. 

 

Now here are some things I will definitely not be giving up. Sandwiches, fun, Facebook, and blogging. Now if your one of those idiots that is giving up computers, my blog is an exception, because I would consider my blogs as being under the category of inspirational and self help oriented. And thats why I am challenging you all to give something up for lent. Some bad ideas would be alcohol, if you plan on going to Cancun, or deodorant, if you planning on being around me. Some good ideas would be smoking, if you have cancer (or don't), or elevators if you live in the city (this is a goal of mine one day.) I would also recommend cute girls to give up their boyfriends for 40 days and to start hanging out with me (remember I'm listed as self help oriented). So ladies and gentleman go out there, and seize the day. Get rid of something you feel might be harmful to your health, your money, or your conscience. I promise you, after a week or two you will not miss it as much, and you will feel like a whole new person. Hell if you have problems looking at yourself to much, give up mirrors, I hear after 40 days of not looking at you self you will be shocked by your own image and not care to much. So let me know what you have decided to give up, and I will keep you all updated on how my lent is progressing.

So as a final note, here is a little saying I heard in middle school: Sex can wait, masturbate. Unless your giving up masturbation, then masturbation can wait, sex is great. And if your giving up both, well I guess, your Fucked. Well actually, no your not. 

ps. I made a great sandwich today with italian bread, mayonnaise, muenster cheese, roast beef, and thinly sliced green apples. Its definitely a top five contender.

The Art of Staying a Fatass

Dear Fellow Exercise Junkies,

I am finally one of you. NOT!!! ... well I try. See I started working out recently, because I want to increase my sex appeal. Now I know your saying to your self, WOW... "Ryan your sex appeal is off the charts", and that it is, its almost not there at all. But this isn't supposed to be a blog about me pitying myself (that blog will be launched soon, it will be called whisky, cigarettes, and lonely nights). So I am here today to talk about living a healthy life style. Actually no... Im here today to bitch about living a healthy life style.

Since I am currently in between places and living at home, my life has been plagued with free dinners every night, large sandwiches during midday or late at night, and a loving mother who gives me money to pick ice cream up at the store on a somewhat regular basis. This seems like a wonderful thing, but it also happens to be during the time in which I have chosen to get healthy for going to Berlin. And so immediately I have hit conflict, my parents are my fat enablers!!! So the easiest way to get healthy, which is just eating healthier has been ruled out. Which I think I am ok with, except for the fact that the next logical solution to getting healthy is exercise. BLLLLLAAAH...

Well its not that bad, I have been doing sit ups on a pretty regular basis, and am now doing pushups, pull ups and curls. I kind of have fun doing them, because I can dance, and pace myself in the privacy of my own room, BUT the results are not coming quick enough. I sort of had this feeling that I could maybe do 20 crunches and I would automatically have a 6 pack and that v thing that leads down to my manhood. and apparently this is not the case, I am in my third week of doing all my exercises and have only seen minimal results, This is especially upsetting to me because I check every ten minutes to see if my six pack has arrived yet. It hasn't. So I felt the need to up my workout. Cardio. Now, I'm a biker, and so getting my cardio has never really been a problem, because I can just hop on my bike and tour around.  But its 4 degrees outside and the thought of going anywhere at the speed of 20 mph with no heat seems ridiculous to me. So I turned to running and I hate running. Usually while running Ill ask myself, "Hey Ryan, What are you running from." And Usually this is the point at which I immediately stop running. But not today, no, Today I didnt ask myself that question, I just went out and got going. I had my running shorts on, a sporty sweatshirt, my ipod, my sweatbands, and my only sneakers that look like they might be used for the purpose of running. (I bought them because I thought they looked cool.)  Now all of this is a necessity, because its so very important to show my neighborhood that I do this all time. However I run funny and I get winded after a 1/2 mile. But today I kept going, I started getting the stitch in my side so my run was more of a hobble. And I could only imagine what the neighbors were saying, " Hey Walt, there goes the uncoordinated retard." or  "The way he's moving it looks like he has been shot, do you think he needs help?" But I pressed on, because Im a stubborn SOB. and then at 3/4 of a mile I stopped because there was no possible way that I could move any further than that. So I quickly hobbled home and look in the mirror to see if my six pack had finally arrived. And to my dismay it had not.

So I have turned to steroids. 

But the next time you see me ask to see my abs, If they are flabs, you will know that I have failed, But if am ripped like I imagine I will be, then you will know that it is the hobble run, that did it for me. 

Let me know if your exercise experiences are similar or if you know how to get instant abs with out all the work. 

Bicycling Predictions and more Sandwich Talk

Dear fellow cycling aficionados, (fatso's please scroll down) 

The 2009 Amgen Tour of California, has concluded and Levi Leipheimer comes out victorious. Now this is exciting for me, because I feel as if this is going to be a good indicator for the Tour de France. So here is my predictions for the 2009 Tour de France. Astana. Astana. Astana. They are too good, and no team comes close to matching the talent they have. Besides Astana I am confident to say that Mark Cavendish will win the sprinters jersey, because Tom Boonen looks old and tired compared to Cavendish. So the only hope any of the teams have of getting a top 5 finishing spot over Contador, Armstrong, Leipheimer, Kloden, and Papovich is ... doping, or crossing their fingers that the tour just wont let team Astana in. Personally I will be rooting for Christian Vandevelde and team Garmin Chipotle, because he is my Chicago boy, who trains for the big mountains by riding into the wind in Chicago. I think he is classy. This in mind I also think that about Levi Leipheimer. But team Astana is like the Yankees, and its just more fun to root for the underdog. So now that I have predicted it there is no reason to watch... well except for all the upsets and the attacks on the mountains. 

I am planning a trip to see a mountain stage in the tour this year, if anyone wants to join me as I hitch hike my way up the mountain your more than welcome. 

now Dear Fat Asses (this includes me),

I spent the weekend at the University of Michigan, and had quite a few thrills, one of these thrills, was going to Zingermans, in which I ate the Lisa C's Boisterous Brisket. This sandwich had come highly recommended by many websites and so I had to try it in order to  stay loyal to my readers who only read my blog for the sandwich talk. So here is my review of this sandwich. 

I would say it made it into the top 15 sandwiches that I have ever had (this is not an actual list). It was good and maybe even great but definetly not out of this world. The meat was the most tender, juicy meat I have ever laid my teeth into, HOWEVER it was on a toasted seeded hot dog bun that was the size of a regular hot-dog bun. I guess this was fine, but as a sandwich maker it would make sense to me, that if I had invented the most tasty meat in the entire world, I might also want to develop a pretty tasty bun to accompany it. Im talking bakery brioche bun or something that is supposed to compliment the meat better.  I feel as for the brisket the hot dog bun was a quick decision in order to skimp on the amount of meat they put on my sandwich. This is shameful. AND this place charged $15 for most of their sandwiches. When food is this expensive I should get a sandwich that I cant fit in my mouth. In the case of the brisket I feel as if I should have at least been made full by it, and I wasn't by any means. Maybe when I win the lottery I'll go back and order 3, just so I can have a lunch that I can enjoy and not have to be distracted by the exuberant price or the hunger that I experience at lunch time, or.... the wait. 15 mins!!! is too long to have to wait for a sandwich, no matter how much of a hot spot it is. A sandwich is a thing of delight, and I get so worked up anticipating my food, that I shouldn't have to have a heart attack just waiting for a sandwich. So, if you happen to be in Ann Arbor and are feeling extremely rich and sort of hungry, and have a good hour or so to kill by all means I would recommend going into Zingermans and getting the Lisa C's Boisterous Brisket because I give this sandwich a A-.

So keep eating and keep posting, I have enjoyed the sandwich ideas thus far and will have to try some. 

The Land of Milk and Honey

Dear fellow Pilgrims,

I am traveling to my college Mecca this weekend, the University of Michigan. Being someone that decided to go to a small private arts school, I seem to have missed out on a lot. Even though I am perfectly happy where I am, I sometimes wish that I had made the choice to go to a large state school. In my eyes things just seem to be better there. Sandwiches are tastier, (Maze and Blue Deli/ Zingermans), beer is cheeper and more plentiful, women are cheeper and more plentiful(jk, kinda), people are generally more friendly, and the possibilities of parties are endless. Now this is meant to slight Chicago in the least, we have plenty of great sandwiches, tastier beer, more beautiful woman, and I know quite a few really nice, great people. But this isn't a posting about how great the cold and windy city is.  I guess there is something really alluring about UofM, maybe its the 8am parties on game day, with pancakes and cheap keg beer, or getting a huge burrito for $2 when you have no clue what's going on, playing round after round of beer pong, or all the other mysteries UofM unveils. Either way its something really special, and so I found a video and song that sums up how I feel about my time there. 

Anyway this is my Mecca, and I try to make an annual pilgrimage there. However I have many other places and spaces that I love and cherish that I could probably also call Mecca, which some other time I will write about. But please write to me and let me know what your Mecca is and why it is so great. 

So Ladies and Gentleman Party on!

Grocery Store Add on

Really this is how i feel when I go to Trader Joes, and often this is how it is.

My Strange Addiction to a Grocery Store

Dear Fellow Shoppers, 

Since I have moved back to Kalamazoo, there is one place I have missed a lot from Chicago. This place is Trader Joes, the grocery store (ill call it TJs). I know this sounds strange but I think its one of the greatest places in the world. In Kalamazoo I go to Meijer Thrifty Acres not because I want to, but because its the only option. Somehow Meijer makes going to the grocery store absolutely miserable, I thought this was always the case, until I moved to Chicago. After a year of going to Jewel Osco and feeling the same misery I did at Meijer, I finally made the switch to TJs.  It was as if the heavens had opened up for me, I finally saw that life was worth living, and any thoughts I might have had of suicide were completely obliterated. 

Now one may ask why is TJs so great. Well ... my friends  ... I'll tell you. First off, its the atmosphere, I don't feel as if I am going in to a place that was designed by a minimalist sterile doctor, who seems to hate life, and really only enjoy the color white. No, TJs has wooden shelves, a little color, and the friendliest staff you'll ever meet.  I have never felt like the staff in TJs has somewhere else to be, and somehow they make me feel important, which is nice. So when this does happen at Meijer, I want to shake those people and shout HEY ASSHOLE, IM IMPORTANT AND I PAY YOUR SALARY. Now I'll admit I don't go to grocery stores just for the experience, well not always, but TJs wins in the selection department as well. I hate going to Meijer looking for macaroni and having 12 different brands and 1,000 different shapes to choose from. I freak the fuck out! So when I go to TJs and see white cheddar, regular, and instant, I feel good because I can decide quickly. AND their quality of food is just better, I never have to worry if I am buying shitty food that is going to be bland and untasty.  On top of that most of there food is organic, which I feel better buying. Now I don't have the money to shop at Whole Foods, but I don't like buying food that is pumped with unnecessary, corn syrup, or dehydrogenated oils when you just cant taste the difference. And usually when I get out of TJs I have about a $30-35  bill for a weeks worth of food, which is way better than a $50-60 bill at Jewel. Check out is the best time at TJs because they bag my groceries with brown paper, which makes me feel like I'm saving the world. Ill be honest I have the reusable bags, but i so often forget them, or bring too many bags, or too few. Or the bags aren't big enough to hold a large bottle. So I'm alright using paper, and paper holds up on the walk home unlike plastic. Walking to the grocery store is great, it gives you time to clear the head, build some muscle, and enjoy the scenery. Unfortunately this is a city thing, and for us country folks driving is a necessity. 

There is some down falls to TJs, this being no deli counter, and I love and will only ever accept fresh sliced meats and cheeses, they make for better sandwiches. They also don't have very strong deodorants, and I'll be honest I only wear Old Spice because my Grandfather wore it. So for these times I march into Jewel and deal with shitty service, too many options, and crappy aesthetics. But otherwise I got to TJs and this video summarizes why I love Trader Joes so much. I hope I have persuaded anyone to shop there, because well its the epitome of life. And frankly I miss it.

Dan Delillo writes White Noise, which is a pretty good novel about American culture in which he uses the grocery store as a metaphor for death. I would largely agree with him, but think that he has never been to Trader Joes. So if you have read his book I would say to you: America there is still hope. 

So... Thank  You for Shopping, and please come again. 

p.s. Iv never had thoughts of suicide.

Let me know if you also are addicted to Trader Joes ,or if you have found a better place.

Real Cool Music: K'naan

Hey cool kids,

This is a song by K'naan featuring Mos Def & Chali 2na. The song will be on K'naan's CD: Troubadour that's is coming out next Tuesday Feb 24th. I'm super excited and I can almost guarantee you that I will be listening to this CD next Tuesday. But I have to admit I don't know if I am hip enough to be seen in public listening to this. Either way check it out let me know what you think. (because I am currently blog retarded, and cant figure out how to post a song, this will redirect you to Kanye Wests blog which i stole the song from.  Once I become more blog literate get ready.)

America

click the little red play button

Sandwiches Sweet Sandwiches

Dear fellow sandwich lovers,

Last week I posted something on my Facebook page which included my five favorite sandwiches. The topic of sandwiches is very important to me, and usually on first dates this will be one of my topics of discussion. I have found that if a girl is absolutely repulsed by this topic, then obviously she is not the girl for me. Well maybe,  either way I am here today to discuss sandwiches a little bit more in depth, and testing out the waters to see if this might be a nice running blog topic. 

To speak clearly about sandwiches, I feel that it is important to first define these wonderful creations. This is one of the hardest things to define, so, I must make some rules. It must be edible, Me wedged in between two people would not be a sandwich, even though it is sometimes referred to as a "sexy sandwich". A sandwich also must be made with the best of ingredients, there is many objects that look like sandwiches but are made with shitty materials, like the cheapest meats and cheeses you can find, these are commonly referred to as sadwiches. A sandwich must also have at least on slice of bread and in most cases two slices or more. Twelve slices of bread with stuff in between is still a sandwich. This leads me to the fact that a sandwich must have something in between, butter does not count, sorry, but if your eating butter sandwiches your life has no worth, and you should think about ending things. In my definition a sandwich cannot have encased meat. As sad as this sounds I think its for the best, I have to put limits on sandwiches somewhere, and hot-dogs, and brats are their own wonderful food group, they just don't need to be involved(but this is really debatable). Things like the Monte Cristo is very much a sandwich, as well as hamburgers, and even italian beef they all constitute as part of the sandwich family. Now in defining a sandwich it is important to understand that there is always exceptions to the rule, and if you have any questions I would recommend saying something. I have put together my five favorite sandwiches, and a list of sandwiches that just missed that list, as well as some sandwiches that look very tempting to try.

Five Favorite not listed in order(because when they are this good there is no order)

Pastrami sandwich at Katz deli in New York

Grilled pb&j, anywhere.

Tineka Sandwich at Lulas Cafe in Chicago made with spicy peanut butter and cucumbers. 

Crawfish Poboy, Mississippi.

Torta Langua on a hot day in the rundown part of downtown LA.

Short list

A well seasoned hamburger, with excellent blue cheese, thin  slices of tomato and avocado, and fresh basil, on a brioche roll.

BLT, with real MAYO( Heilmans is not MAYO and shame on you for thinking so, and Miracle Wip is just a sin.)

Falafel at Sultans in Chicago.

A sandwiches that i would like to try

Fools Gold, apparently Elvis Preselys favorite sandwich, made with a loaf of italian bread sliced lengthwise, with a jar of peanut butter, a jar of jelly and a packet of bacon, with the bread scooped out inside to fit all the ingredients.

Check these out too.

If you want some great reading with a short bit based on sandwiches, Woody Allen writes about the origins of the sandwich in his book Getting Even, possibly one of the most ridiculous/ hilarious books I have ever read, this might give you some insight into my love for the food. 

Please comment back on some of your favorite sandwiches, I am always to try and find new sandwiches that will blow my mind. If you like this Ill write more on the subject talking about elements that can make a mediocre sandwich a great sandwich. 

To all my Facebook Stalkers

Dear Facebook Stalker, 

Recently I have felt the presence of stalkers on Facebook.  You know who you are, and hopefully I can convert you to start stalking my blog and not my Facebook, however I understand this is not possible so you can now stalk my blog as well as my Facebook . This is a task that is going to involve work on both our parts. My job will be to start posting on a regular basis, informing you of my life and my surroundings. In return you will now have to check my blog regularly, which is a pain in the ass, but I know you have the time. I would suggest devoting 1% of you Facebook time to my blog. This for the average Facebook stalker will work out to approximately 15 mins a day, which is more than enough time.  

Now for all you stalkers I have to figure out a way to have you commit 15 mins of your day to me. My good looks and boyish charm really should be enough, but I feel as if you kids these days aren't swayed by these kind of tactics. Here are a few ideas i have had:

I could write and post back stories to everything that is happening to me on Facebook, and my friends. I can also give a forecast of postings that I believe will be written on my wall but are not yet done. I would kind of be the Perez Hilton of my sad little world which I am convinced would be dreadfully uninteresting. But for some sick and twisted reason I believe if this was to be the focus of my blog I would have a very devoted group of followers, whose lifes (no offense) are that much more dreadfully uninteresting.

One of the more likely scenarios is that I will be posting art, movies, music, food, and books that I like or hate. I believe in spreading information, and I think this could be a good way of doing so. But right now I am in Kalamazoo, Michigan and I am not leaving my room much, so I feel as if the information I am currently taking in has been absorbed and spit out by a trillion other sources. With the posting of art and such scenario, it will be less writing and more media posting. I know its hard to read this all and can only imagine its not to catchy. 

Another option for my blog is to strictly talk about what I am going to do, and not actually do anything. I like this, and find that this is how I like to treat everything I do in the world everything from the amount of art I make to the amount of girls I get to talk to me and then go out with me. So with this I shall leave you with David Sedaris, an author I am currently reading and enjoying very much, and felt that this statement related very much to me:

I can't seem to fathom that the things important to me are not important to other people as well, and so I come off sounding like a missionary, someone whose job it is to convert rather than listen. 

Thus I have created a blog?

 

good morning blog

Good morning this is my very first posting, I will be posting pictures of friends, artwork, and other exciting information, that seem relevant to me and my experiences and adventures.  So welcome and enjoy.